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Hello and welcome to the Inspired Woman podcast and this week's Inspired Woman is a lady called Amanda Wallingsford and she has been helping people to find their inner leader for nearly 30 years. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist, board approved marriage and family therapist supervisor and a certified mastery method coach. She is also the author of her book Embody Your Worth, Essential Strategies to Live Confidently and Create Your Dream Life and her primary focus is on empowering change makers and solepreneurs transcend personal and professional limits to create profound impact while bringing in profitable revenue.
Amanda, thank you for joining me. You're welcome, thank you for having me. Oh, you're very welcome.
So, I always start out these podcasts just asking you, you know, what inspires you, Amanda? Yeah, I think the first thing that shows up even in my body of what inspires me is truth. That's the word that's coming. And what I mean by that is, I think overarching is truth of the human experience, the good, the bad and everything in between.
And so, what inspires me is people speaking their truth, people connecting through their truths instead of hiding. And so, with that is authenticity. But being able to be supported when I think of inspiration and I think of people that have inspired me is people who are not sugarcoating things, that they are able to embrace both joy and pain.
Because I think too often there are cultural norms that say that we need to hide and we need to pretend. And one of the things I've learned in life is that is a very fast track to self-destruction. And so, I am inspired by people in organizations and movements that want to speak truth and embrace that and embrace it with love, with genuine love.
I love that. And, you know, we always have a bit of a preamble just so people know this is completely unscripted. I love organic conversation.
And so, I'm not sure where this is going to take us, Amanda, but I know there's somebody out there who needs to hear your message. But yeah, authenticity for me became something very important in my own work, my own therapy, because I realized that for the first four decades of my life, I had been trying to be somebody and something to please somebody else. And that was my mother.
But that crossed into every other part of my life, you know. And I hear exactly what you say. I mean, now I love to hear people's stories and hear the truth, because that's what I learned from, you know.
It's just beautiful. And it's sad because my own mother, I don't think she has ever or maybe will never do the work to find out who she truly is, you know, which I think is a terrible, terrible tragedy in anybody's life. And in my coaching business, I'm looking up here because I've got the phrase above my desk here, stop existing and start living.
And I think too many of us just exist going from day to day, trying to be, trying to please, you know. And like you say, society has these expectations upon us. And then there's a time in our life that we stop and we're like, what am I doing? Oh my goodness, I'm not, I'm not living my life, you know.
I don't know when my expiry date is. So I just, yeah, I hear you entirely there. So how, I see inspiration as a reciprocity.
I just, I love inspiration, hence this series. How do you now inspire others? You know, it's so interesting because I have been, people have specifically used that word, you're an inspiration. You're so inspiring.
In the last five years, four and a half years ago, I lost my son. And one of the things that I really led with and continue to lead with is sharing the raw truth of this experience of losing him and some other events in my life. And when I've thought about what is it, why are people saying that I inspire them? Because I don't share to inspire intentionally.
But what I think is the gift when you share your raw truth is you give hope. You give a sense that, you know, a light to others. You show what's possible.
I have been through the depths of tragedy in my life. I've been through the depths of severe depression and PTSD and who I am today that has come out of all of that. I strive to show people that staying true to yourself and staying committed to your own growth and healing creates possibilities that you didn't know existed.
I remember a day in my life when I could have never imagined the sense of peace that I feel today, the love that I experience in my life, even with losing my son. And so I hope that in sharing my story and being raw about how hard things have been and some days how hard things are, I also get to illuminate to other people that there is so much beauty that also comes in life. I love that.
Well, that is certainly inspiring. And I, you know, I've spoken to a number of women for this podcast, and there's always a pivotal point in somebody's life that, you know, they make a choice, you know, it's that choice. Where do I go from here? And, you know, and it's so powerful when you can actually share that because so many of us hide.
I mean, I know that I, I didn't hide from the trauma that I'd experienced. I was also diagnosed with complex PTSD and also social anxiety disorder. And I didn't hide from it, but I lived in that victim role.
Oh, poor me. And this is my story. And, and I became consumed by that story.
So I think that, you know, even though I was expressing my story, and it was truth, I think that the way that I express that story now is more from a place of authenticity, and not from the victim, but more from a standpoint of, I know that that I'm not the only person. When you're a victim, you think it's only you. I think when you start to realize that this is something that other people have experienced, and I'm not unusual.
And I can tell you, since I've spoken to women about their relationship with their mother, there are so many of us out there who have had difficult or fractious or sometimes toxic, you know, relationships with our mother. And then that understanding that they didn't have an easy relationship with their mother, and it goes back all those generations, and that you're now the person that has the courage to be able to change your direction in your life, and help the generation going forward, right? But it's interesting. I've never really thought about that before.
But authenticity is something very important to me. It's, it's, it's one of the pillars that I live by. I want to walk my truth.
But at the same time, I think that it's, it's where you share a story from that place on why you're sharing it, maybe. Yeah, you know, and the two words that are coming to my mind right now, as you were speaking is the difference between powerless and empowered. When we are feeling victim, and I've been there too, there's there's such a sense of powerless that that yes, we're alone, or we can't ever get out of this.
And when you find those right circles to share your story and get support, igniting that sense of I am empowered, this is part of my history. And this part of my history is what's going to help lead me to make changes, to, to show up for myself better to show up for myself or show up for others better. So that we can all get through this together.
And being around people that are going to support that empowered energy of Yes, this is painful, this has been such a serious part of your life. And what are we going to learn from it? What are we going to do with it, you know, to alchemize it into something better. And, and being able to find those, those pieces of support, to switch it from I am powerless, and there's nothing I can do to get out of this to, okay, this is life.
What are we gonna, what are we going to make of it? Yeah, there's a lot of my work is spiritual work. And I know we haven't spoken about spiritual work. But the reason that I embrace spirituality was because I became an integrative health coach.
And being a registered nurse, the physical and the health side of it, the emotional health, I've got all of that. But spirituality, how can I support somebody spiritually, you know? But one of the theories or one of the modalities out there is the Akashic Records. Have you heard the Akashic Records? I've heard of it.
And I want to do it. I actually got a name recently of how to get mine read. But I haven't done it yet.
Ah, because when you were speaking, and this is how I love that these conversations grow organically. It made so much sense to me, you know, I remember some of my and I was only speaking to a young girl about this yesterday. I was originally told, you know, that, that, that you, you would chosen this path in your life.
And I remember thinking to myself, holy fuck, no way, I didn't choose this path. Would I choose this path? You've chosen all the people and all the players in your life, and it's like, but the Akashic Records believe that, you know, we're all souls. And basically, you come into this life with lessons to learn.
And we choose our path so that we can learn those lessons. And if we go through life, and we don't learn them, then we'll inevitably come back and you know, to try to learn it in a different way. And, and one of the things, you know, I mean, I love that you're a family therapist as well.
But I, I believe in that we all have soulmates, not just one soulmate, but lots of soulmates. And when I get those deja vus, been here before, this has happened before, I've heard somebody say those words before, I think of that as being a past life experience. And I think that, you know, with the Akashic Records, my soulmates are all people who have been placed in my life.
And they will be in my next life and a life after, you know, but maybe in a different role. So my mother in my next life might actually be my love partner. I don't know, it sounds a bit out there.
But you know, but it's all to choose those lessons. I don't really know where I why I've gone there. But I have.
It's interesting that you, you're interested in, you know, doing the Akashic Records. The other thing that I find fascinating is constellation therapy. Have you heard of that one? Um, I have not.
I have recently um, dove into human design and can do human design reading. So I don't know if that's similar, but definitely speaks to you know, when I read my human design and you know, you and then somebody asked me a month or two ago, why did you choose this for your life presenting that you know, that I chose this and I was like, of course, I chose the hard life. Like that's what I do.
I choose the hard way to learn things so that I dig into it. And I really master it. But of course I chose this.
You know, like, so I don't know what that constellation therapy or if it's, you know, related to any of that. But it's very similar with regards to family members, you know, and the players in and around you and the relationships. But I, I, I was introduced to human design.
I mean, I'm a great Jung Myers-Briggs. I love, and every time I do that test, I'm an ENFJ and it's like every darn time I try to change the answers and I'm still an ENFJ. So I think I'm, I think I'm ENFJ.
I'm the same way and I'm an INFJ, but yeah, since I was either in middle school or early high school and yep, same thing. I know. And I did the same.
And a lot of that was, I did the Jung Myers-Briggs and that was one of the first things that I dived into to try and figure out who I truly was, what was my personality? And that I actually gave me the clue because realizing that I was a huge empath and that, you know, in the narcissistic triangle and you have to have that empath there that is, ends up being the scapegoat. And it's like, Oh, click, click, click, everything made sense. So the, it's really a cliche when you're coaching to say that you hold the answers within you.
And my job is to help you to get, to see those and answer your own questions. But it really is, you know, that is, we have that truth inside of us. And I started to look at human design as well.
And I do business mentorship and I get all of my clients to do their Jung Myers and also their human design. Because I believe that a business is an extension of who you are. So how can you have a successful business unless you truly know who you are as an individual.
But I would love for you to tell me a little bit more about human design because there may well be somebody out there who needs to hear about it, Amanda. Okay. Yeah, I think there's so many things you can say about human design.
And, and I am also, I also have a branch. So for years, I've been a mental health practitioner and licensed therapist, but I have branched out into business mentorship. And the reason I did get more training in human design is to bring that in also, because I'm on the same page as you as being understand your design and how that, especially as entrepreneurs, how that is interplaying with the business or even what you're creating, whether it's a book or, or a podcast or a course or whatever.
For me, human design has been really interesting in learning the energy centers of where we are more susceptible to other people's energy versus more kind of clear on what's our own energy. And I think that that's really unique, especially with empaths or people pleasers. I'm kind of like, like you said, in organic conversation, I'm just kind of going off the top of my head right now.
But I am finding a lot of patterns on people that are more people pleasers or empathic that they have more open energy centers where it's harder for them to know, is this my own stuff or is this somebody else's? And so as an example, um, 2024, I set the intention to listen to my gut and listen to if something was a full body, yes, or a no. And in that, then learning about my energy centers, giving myself permission to say no to things and permission to wait to get more clarity. I've been able to decipher more of what is my own stuff versus when I'm trying to tend to somebody else's needs and coming up with better solutions longterm by giving myself that wait time.
So learning that when I've got a no, I can trust it in my body. There's some wisdom exactly like what you said, the wisdom is, it's just about finding the tools and maybe drowning out the noise to get clear on what our wisdom is inside of us. And so learning to trust that when my body is saying no energetically, that there's a reason for it.
And it has been fascinating to see that when I've given myself permission to pause and not say something out of, or say yes out of obligation or say yes, because right now my logical mind says it's a yes, giving myself permission to wait to get clarity, better opportunities have come. I love that. That just energetically.
And, you know, I don't know just, this has been newer for me as well, spiritually and energetically to understand what's at play outside of our own mind. So that's where I've found human design really impactful in my own life and seen it in a lot of my friends as well, to be able to understand how to maneuver a little bit more of your own, what's already built inside of you and that wisdom and tune into it through that. Yeah.
And, and that's the intuition piece, right? I mean, that is something I, I don't know if you know, but I, I actually teach angel empowerment healing and I have, I have a podcast with a lady called Cindy Smith and we had, we basically, it's all unscripted and we just basically draw a card and that's what Archangel Raphael wants us to talk about. And it's like, sometimes we're like, look at each other thinking, what the heck, but then it all comes through. But one of those important, one of those most important things is being able to trust your intuition.
And I know that I, I thought my intuition was my social anxiety for a long time. And, and it was my therapist who pointed that out, but you know, I, I realized that I used to get this gut feeling and it was this fear, you know, and my nervous system was kicking in and telling me to run, you know, but an actual fact, you know, and I would push it down. I would just push it down.
And I ended up getting myself into all sorts of fixes, some pretty life-changing because I had ignored the intuition, which thinking it was just my social anxiety and I had to overcome it. But that was a very key thing for me to learn about my intuition. And as I said, I was such a skeptic when I first started on my spiritual journey, it's like, oh my goodness, you know, and I remember seeing Cindy Smith and thinking, well, I'm not interested in the angels.
You can forget that, you know, it's too bloody religious, you know, and now she's my business partner. It's like, I thankfully, I listened to the intuition when I won a ticket to one of her, her inspirational angel days. But can I just ask you about your book, Embody Your Worth, Essential Strategies to Live Confidently and Create Your Dream Life.
How long ago did you write that? So I, yeah, giving, I think some probably important details with my book. I had a son born, and my only biological child born in 2020. And he was born with a genetic condition called Noonan syndrome.
And Noonan syndrome is an interesting condition where you can be born with it and not even know you have it, or you can be born where your body just malfunctions in nearly every direction. And that's unfortunately how his body ended up. And it was very much a blessing for him even to get to live at all.
We got three months with him. But, you know, and I've told this story out loud, but I think it's really, really important, you know, for people to hear in the sense of, we had to make a decision. His body was breaking down and we had to make a decision to let him go.
And on that day that we removed the machines and said goodbye, there was this very weird sense of peace inside of me that I was going to be okay. And that completely baffled me because at that time I was 41. I had 20 years prior been completely, I, this is not a word, but unfunctionable.
My mom is going to laugh because I make up words. I was a hot mess. I had lost my biological father to suicide and tried to power through after that, overachiever, people pleaser, everything.
And my body then decided, nope, we can't do this anymore. And I was a disaster. I was suicidal, self-injuring.
And so when we lost Ashton, my son, and I felt that peace, I was so curious as to why, how do I know deep within me that I'm going to be okay versus 20 years prior when I didn't know how to function from such a tragic loss. And that's how the book was born is I started getting curious. What is the difference of who I am and what am I doing today versus where I was at in college during, you know, my most painful times.
And so I started brainstorming and I started just, just kind of spitting out all the different things I was noticing and I created the book and the different chapters. And it was, the aha was I learned to love myself. Beautiful.
Because I learned that I, the only thing that I have constant for the rest of my life is me. And I made a commitment. I, you know, after being suicidal, my junior year of college, I made a commitment, like you said, a pivotal moment.
I decided to figure my, my stuff out and get better and persevere. And the most important thing was I figured out how to care for myself and see my worth and see my value. So each chapter is a big chunk, whether I, it's been something that helped me such as building healthy relationships and in that boundaries, speaking your truth, things like that, things that have helped me.
But then also as a therapist, the tools that I've helped clients use. And so it's a mix of my own story. It's a mix of tools that I've used that, that I teach others to make it really digestible book.
Yeah. Through that, you know, we, like, I know I'm not, I'm not going to kid myself. I'm going to be through more painful stuff, but if I've got me and I do the best to have me, well then, you know, at least I'm, I, I, I, at least I've got something to lean on versus outside of me that is not always going to be there.
If that makes sense. Absolutely. Totally makes sense.
I love that. That, that is inspirational, you know, and thank you to Ashton for inspiring you and for inspiring all of us in turn. It's that cycle of reciprocity, as I say, you know, but you know, so often any podcast or any conversations that I have, we end up talking about the old cliche, self-care, self-love.
And, you know, I, I think that in, unfortunately out there, it's become that cliche, you know, take care of yourself, take time for you, take time to read a book, have a bubble bath, you know, you know, pamper yourself, but really self-love is so courageous, right? It's really, it really is that work and rewarding yourself with focusing and understanding and knowing you, which comes back to authenticity, right? We've come all the way around, but go ahead, go ahead. I think one thing to mention that I, I imagine you can relate to is it's also really hard work. Yes.
Especially when we've been taught to not prioritize ourselves. So I think of self-compassion, right? Having compassion for being imperfect, having compassion for having, you know, days where we're, you know, maybe not our best selves are not, you know, expressing ourselves nicely all the time, whatever it might be. We are conditioned in so many different directions to not be our authentic selves and to judge ourselves and critique ourselves because we didn't.
I don't know why I just example, but, you know, living in the United States where it's a nine to five work culture, and no matter what happens, you need to go to work and, and, and working 40 hours is a luxury. What you really should do is work 60 hours, you know, like that versus, you know, when you talk about kind of superficial self-care, you should rest that can seem easy, but when you work within cultural systems that say rest is a luxury, taking care of yourself is, is lower on the priority list. I do want to verbalize that I, I realize how hard it can be to take care of yourself within these different systems.
Yeah. I, I, again, you know, we, we met because we're, because we were both looking for how we could do less, but achieve more. Right.
And one of the key things that I have learned is cyclical living and learning to understand we're back to energy, you know, but how to manage my energy.
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